Ven

My Life, in a Nutshell

I am conscious, creative Energy, currently focused (limited) in this physical environment in order to experience, in this unique way, the effects of my inner mind values; to learn whatever lessons I can from these experiences; to decide (based on my experiences) what kinds of experiences I prefer; and, through my preferences, to increasingly experience life in accordance with my nature.

I am focused here by my own choice! Everyone else is, too—from humans to animals to vegetables to minerals to atoms to particles and waves. We are all connected on the most basic level, experiencing existence together consensually.

All of us human beings experience life in accordance with our understanding of our own inner makeup and are able to change that makeup in order to “improve” our experiences, i.e. to have experiences in accordance with our inner being as it changes in response to our experiences.

Is there a goal to this life, as described in this way? Yes—to fulfill desire. In order to do that, we must—I must—decide what is desired.

What do I desire?

I want to live a life of whimsical genius. I want to endure and overcome challenges to my beliefs, abilities, perceptions, and security. I want to rise above difficult circumstances, unscathed. I want to learn and understand that which matters most—to me. I want Love in all directions and companionship when I desire it. I want a balance that includes solitude.

I want to immerse myself in life fully, sucking the juice out of its fruit. I want health, strength, and endurance. I want peace. I want to be free from negativity. I want to be powerful. I want to create and express new ideas to others in speech and writing. I want wisdom. I want great sex, frequently.

I want to use all my talents, skills, and abilities to the fullest, leaving this place with a full belly of Life!

(written in 2009)

What Do I Believe In?

I believe in Spirit… dark chocolate… good writing… the tendency of Life to work out if I pay attention… faith that all is as it should be… wellness in body and mind… ecstatic revelry… fire… Magick… synchronicity… interpersonal resonance… the unconditional love of pets… living true to myself… honesty…

parenting my kids… walking in the electric dark before a storm… walking in the damp light after a storm… challenges to my abilities, beliefs, and endurance… children as teachers… the path of wisdom as a way of living… freedom… personal liberty… Thomas Jefferson… self-determination… the power of choice…

breaking bread and sharing drink with friends… learning new languages… “the small of a woman’s back”… traveling with a backpack… music… rhythm… polarity… harmony… true power, which is within and is felt more than seen… the ease of making the right choices if I am in tune with myself… alignment with my inner being…

“long, slow, soft, deep, wet kisses that last for three days”… energetic exchanges… spiritual Love… erotic love… strength… forgiveness… peace… the interconnectedness of Life… the beauty, power, and presence in Earth and sky… connecting with both… the willingness of the Earth to take pain from me and recycle it… living what I know to be true…

camping in (or out of) a tent… water… light… drum circles… flow… befriending children and old people… paddling on the river… climbing mountains… bungee jumping… paying freaking ATTENTION… freedom from the past… exuberance… exhiliration… old friends… new friends… lovers, old and new…

quality… pizza… organic foods… staying up late… openness to the Spirit within… shocking experiences… felines… omens through Nature… the permanence of being alive… road trips… inner trips… laughter… every experience as a way to enlightenment…

sharing DNA… leveling out karmic imbalances… (forgiveness)… Shakespeare… Einstein… the real Jesus of Nazareth… Gautama Buddha… ME!…

dreams… imagination… discarnate entities… the kind of faith that makes things happen or endures difficulty… Bugs Bunny… the Baxter clan motto (Vincit veritas—Truth prevails)…

and the ability of a self-aware person to also be aware of the inner being of another who is open. 

(written in 2009)

Understanding, Power, Freedom, and Wisdom

To truly have, possess, and master some thing or experience, we must not want it too much—so much that we feel grief without it. Grief is only the feeling of loss of a perceived part of oneself, and anything we identify with that much is a draw on our energy—a negative, not a positive.

Of course, the best way to have something we do not have is to have a burning desire for it. But we don’t have to identify ourselves with it to the point that we feel loss without it. If we do that, we’ve crossed the line from freedom to bondage, because we’re focusing on the lack of the thing we want, instead of its desired presence.

Freedom focuses on the thing (or not!). Bondage focuses on the lack of the thing. Each is a production of our already-existing understanding, and understanding is power! We focus on a wanted thing because we have power. We focus on the lack of a wanted thing because we do not have power.

The Universe loves us, and It provides us with every good thing, in accordance with our level of understanding. When we understand this, we will be more able and willing to see that our lack of something we want is because of our lack of understanding.  (And with understanding we may well realize that we don’t want it!)   

The Universe’s understanding is Perfect. Ours is not.

When we let go of our attachment to the idea of the thing we want too much but don’t have, it will finally be able to come to us—if, without the attachment to the idea, we still desire it!

Understanding is part of wisdom. All things are allowed to the wise person, if those things enhance and enrich our existence, rather than causing us harm or bondage—in other words, if those things are in accord with our inner being, with our True Self.

The Universe graciously withholds from wise people the things and experiences that would bring us bondage, rather than freedom! Those things would cause us bondage if we want them too much—that is, if we identify them with ourselves, which means that we confuse them with ourselves and feel grief or loss with their absence. 

If we let go of our unhealthy attachment to these ideas, though, we will allow the Universe to bring them to us—if those things or experiences are good for us. The Universe automatically brings good things to us, to the degree that we are wise (which means “in the absence of unhealthy desires,” because we only have unhealthy desires to the degree that we are unwise!).

The less wise we are, the more “shit” we cause to happen in our lives. The less wise we are, the less we understand what is good for us. The less wise we are, the fewer good things we are asking the Universe for and, consequently, the fewer good things the Universe brings to us!

We get what our understanding allows us to have. The greater our understanding, the greater our wisdom. The greater our wisdom, the better our desires. The better our desires, the greater the good we experience as a result of them.

Five Virtues and Feeling Fully

Our emotions indicate our alignment with our inner being.  When we feel good, we’re thinking or doing something right (we’re in alignment).  When we feel bad, we’re thinking or doing something wrong (we’re out of alignment).

Is this absolute?  Is happy always good, is angry always worse, and is sad always even worse? Is not our awareness of our emotional state, and our will to act in accordance with our understanding of it, more important than the simple pleasure-or-pain reaction of the flesh to inner alignment, which emotion is?

Sometimes negative emotion is appropriate to a situation, and anger or grief is the correct response, in the moment—but not forever. It’s appropriate, then, to feel emotion completely and express it to its completion, at which time the emotional state automatically returns to its “normal,” default positive state.

That is how to feel good, and how to be in alignment with one’s inner being: express the negative emotions as the experiences that conjure them are encountered.

We are a storehouse of past experience, and we continually encounter present experiences that “activate” parts of our being that carry the impression of those past experiences. Much of our “job” here—much of our purpose as currently-living human beings—is to discharge this burden of negative imprints so that we don’t pass them on to others through the process of harm.

Harm and its negative effects are like a cancer that has infected the human species, and which it is our purpose to find and eradicate within ourselves. This takes much strength, awareness, courage, insight, and honesty to accomplish. The better we live these five “virtues,” the more we come into alignment with Who We Really Are, and the more we are (and do) “good” in the world:

Strength is the willingness and ability to endure unpleasantness.

Awareness is breadth and depth of knowledge, consciousness, and understanding.

Courage is the willingness and ability to endure fear.

Insight is inner awareness.

Honesty is the willingness to accept reality, rather than overlooking, ignoring, or lying about it.

It seems that the best way to feel better is to feel what you are feeling, fully; to accept that you feel that way; to understand that it’s okay to feel it in this moment; and to express (and thereby release) the negative emotions that present experience arouses from the inner impressions of past experience. 

And what could feel better than feeling how you really feel, instead of covering it up?

(written in 2009)

Reflections on a Year of Suffering

A year ago my marriage crumbled very suddenly and I started a year (so far) of asking why.  

It’s taken me a year to realize that the Universe has given me exactly what I was asking for. I already had a good marriage, a wife who loved me, a strong relationship with my kids, a business I enjoyed, and a fresh spirituality that connected me in an intimate way with the Mind of the Universe.

Having all these things, and being satisfied, I asked for understanding. I asked for wisdom. I asked for growth. Those things came through trials, suffering, and reaching inward to find the inner strength to overcome my outer circumstances.

The Universe, in Its infinite Love for me, had granted my wish. It’s like a comic tragedy:  we almost never seem to understand the price we must pay for the valuable things we seek. There is always a trade; there is always a balance—or so it seems to me.

I asked and the Universe gave. Just like the Master promised. If I had known the price of my wish, I would not have wanted it. But I am a function of the Universe myself, and that Guide always knows best. Always. How do you suppose the desire for wisdom appeared in me in the first place?

My heart is better now. It has ached, broken, healed, and expanded. Now it radiates more love than before, without trying to pick flowers instead of smell them, so to speak. Now it encompasses more, enabling me to see more love and goodness in the world, people, creatures, and circumstances around me. My new heart allows me to enjoy without taking, to preserve life and freedom instead of trying to keep it for myself. 

Frankly, that lesson is worth a very great price, and I am thankful that the Universe has blessed me with the measure of strength that I needed so I could learn the lessons I wanted so much to be taught.

In this moment, I don’t believe that being “happy” at all costs is the most important thing in each moment. I believe that the pains of life are a necessary part of learning to create our own happiness, despite circumstances. 

Acceptance of all circumstances seems to be a key to happiness.

Acceptance of circumstances means harmonizing with the Universe.

The key to harmony is to not see self as separate from the Universe.

The answer is self-awareness: attention to the inner world.

I love my life, and I love the circumstances and turns of events and relationships and personal connections and reflections and interactions that occur and show me that this web of fabric of life and existence is a unified, united, conscious Whole.

Why do I doubt? Why do I turn away from Truth, even after It proves Itself to me, repeatedly, in my experience? I have a powerful and old, deeply-ingrained wrong idea about the current situation that I haven’t yet located. I’m very close, though!

The solution seems to be to face my fears and discomforts by placing them directly in my Path and enduring them with focused attention. I feel so powerful!

The powerful “me” is steadily growing, strengthening, and becoming the dominant part of my being. I like that!

(written in 2009)

The Goddess and Me

There are more things between Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. 

—“Wild Bill” Shakespeare

• She took his burdens
• Into her body
• And disposed of them
• Like his mother always wanted to do
• But couldn’t.

• His sins disappeared
• In the soft grass of her skin.
• She welcomed them.

• Thank you, Love. Can I call you ‘Love’?
• He asked the Earth
• In the darkness of the New Moon,
• Feeling her body fall through his fingers
• As sediment.

• With dirty fingertips,
• He caressed her.

• Love is fleeting,
• In my experience.
• Can you be my love?
• Can you be my mother?
• For they are the same,
• At their root,
• In my experience—
• And you are the root of both.

• That which draws
• Masculine to Feminine
• Hints at something beneath,
• Something more true
• And more powerful
• Than love of the past.

• Something perhaps more permanent—
• Akin to dust and wind and flame (and water)—
• Forever moving and therefore
• True to its nature.

• She is gentle and brutal,
• Quiet and violent,
• Beautiful and harmonious.

• Gaia never rests, always produces.
• Creating, destroying,
• Being Herself.

• Meanwhile, the Cosmos
• Ever turns, “above,”
• Corkscrewing into the darkness
• Between galaxies.

• And I connect them,
• Earth and Heaven,
• Somehow,
• When I reach for the sky.

(written in 2009)

Synthesis: Unity, Harm, and Weakness

I am the punishment of God…If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you. 

—Genghis Khan

It ain’t an easy thing to do, but here I am doing it. I’m going to synthesize unity and harm. 

To synthesize means “to bring together into harmony or agreement; to reconcile” (my definition).

I accepted long ago the idea that we are all One on some level, underneath what we see with our eyes. To me, that Oneness isn’t in the realm of belief. It’s simply a part of my daily operating system, like the cursor that blinks right here. No, here. No—ack! It keeps moving.

This is why Jesus and others said: “Treat everyone like you want to be treated”—because what you do to him or her or me, you do to yourself.

It seems dumb for one part of me to harm or destroy another part of me, on the face of it. What good is war, is child abuse, is rape, is brutality, is violence? What good is making someone feel so shitty when they’re three that they don’t get over it until they’re 35? If ever?

If I’m doing that to me, multiplied by a billion people…that doesn’t make any sense!

Now comes the overcoming power of Spirit, waltzing onto the stage. Spirit lives through every being harmed and every being who harms—Spirit being the unity we were talking about earlier. Spirit is the Oneness of Life. The good and the bad.

And the ugly? Yep. And the beautiful. So are the Universe and Mother Earth. All represent the Oneness of Life, on different levels of expression.

Spirit has had this grand scheme all along (Life, you know, is a game that Spirit plays with Itself) and it involves pain…and harm…and healing…and overcoming…and eradicating what we call “evil”…through the learning of lessons…which moves the whole thing toward perfection…a little at a time.

Harm is a built-in, self-correcting mechanism. It identifies weakness in the Organism of Life. Through the power of Spirit, which indwells each living being (redundant phrase), weakness is overcome and experienced no more.

Jesus said that “the flesh is weak.” This is true. Weakness does not come from Spirit (except in the sense that everything comes from Spirit—another paradox!). Weakness is that which prevents thriving in life. It is not softness, or gentleness, or peacefulness, or stillness. Weakness is wrongness of being. Weakness means trying to operate against the ebb and flow of the current of Life. Weakness is being out of harmony with Reality.

Weakness is stupidity, ignorance, dishonesty, fear, dependency, insanity—all of which are states of being, not actions. Weakness is not being who you really are, and you are a powerful being capable of self-creation in every aspect of life. 

Weakness is being fooled by somebody else into believing lies. Weakness is misunderstanding, which produces actions that harm self and others. Weakness is persistent dis-harmony with Life. It is always potentially destructive, to self or others, no matter how soft or innocent it appears to be.

Weakness is the ego or false self!

Harm, that Divine thunderbolt that attacks and weeds out weakness, identifies both perpetrator and victim as carriers of weakness. Then, Spirit takes them out.

Weakness can be timid or it can be violent. Submission is as great a sin as aggression. They operate on the same energy dynamic, which is why they resonate and attract each other. Evil resonates with evil, finds it, produces harm, and then becomes eradicated by the all-powerful (yes!) overcoming Spirit of Man, Woman, and Universe.

There you go. Harm and evil produce good things. 

Synthesis.

(written in 2009)

Phlegm and Negativity

Phlegm is not a part of who you are—but you have some, don’t you? We all do. A certain small amount might even be considered healthy. Sometimes we have more phlegm, sometimes less. We tend to have more when we’re sick, or if the air is filthy. But none of us mistake our phlegm for who we are.

Yes, I know, phlegm is gross. But it’s important to understand.

Often, conditions like “allergies,” which mimic crying in their symptoms (teary eyes, runny nose, phlegm, etc.) are not caused by our environment, but by unexpressed negative emotion within us, which can be triggered by an environmental condition. Whatever emotion we do not express at the time we feel it (from day one!) remains within us—until we release it. If we don’t, it releases itself—through conditions like “allergies,” sinus infections, bronchitis, and many others. The environment (including pathogens) can trigger these conditions, but the inner cause remains.

In general, emotional health = physical health.

Imagine meeting someone who is sick and deciding, “I don’t like that person. He has way too much phlegm!” Would this be fair? Not even “fair”—would this be correct? Would we be right in doing so, or would we be making a mistake in judgment?

Negativity is like phlegm. It’s so much like phlegm that releasing negativity on an emotional level almost equals releasing phlegm (and other fluids, like tears, sweat, and saliva) on a physical level. Let me repeat that: (emotional) negativity corresponds to (physical) phlegm! Phlegm is literally a physical manifestation of an emotional problem. Have you ever gotten sick with a cold or “allergies” at a time when you were enduring a lot of “stress” (negative emotion)? I have.

I’m not saying that all phlegm is because of negative emotion. For example, if it’s cold outside, my nose tends to run. If I work around a lot of dust, I tend to cough. I’m saying that in the same way that we produce phlegm in response to cold or dust, we also produce it in response to emotional irritants and negativity.

We can cry out (emotional) negativity in the same way that we cough up dust to get out (physical) irritants! Have you ever cried so hard that you cough? That’s a very good sign of release. Some religious traditions say that demons come out through coughing or vomiting when they leave the body. Indeed, is there a difference? Negativity is negativity, in my view.

Negativity is emotional sickness, in the same way that phlegm is physical sickness. To judge someone based on his negativity is like judging a man with a cough or runny nose—because he has a cough or runny nose.

While considering this, though, it’s important to understand that a man who is in negativity is contagious in the same way that a man who has a cold is contagious. We can still suffer, ourselves, from the effects of his sickness while he is sick—the sickness can spread to us. When negativity is gone, though (like when a cold is over), he is well again. Negativity, when it leaves us, goes with a release of phlegm, taking the emotional sickness with it.

Negativity is no more a part of who we are than phlegm is. It only afflicts us when we are sick with it, and only until we get well again.

(written in 2009)

Surrender and Destiny: The Will of God and the Flow of Life

D. Vader: “Luke, come to the Dark Side. It is your destiny!”

L. Skywalker: “You don’t know shit, Dad!”

We are all headed inexorably toward our destiny, like water returning to the sea. 

Destiny does not mean living up to our potential. We all have untapped potential that we never uncover and use to its fullest possibility; if our destiny depended on doing so, none of us would fulfill it. 

Destiny means living out the lives that, from our limited perspective, Life seems to have “planned” for us.

Here are a few possible destinies:

• raising a future President of the United States
• leading a revolution
• dying of alcoholism at a young age
• writing a series of books about young wizards
• running over your wife’s cat with a lawnmower
• making national news because you died in a funny way
• watching 273 NASCAR races on TV and dying of diabetes
• winning the Heisman trophy
• accidentally blinding your child in a fishing accident
• getting married (and divorced) eight times

In other words, your destiny is whatever will happen in your lifetime. You just don’t know what it is yet!

Whatever we do, whatever we think, however we plan and execute our lives, all of us fulfill our destinies every day, in every moment. At the same time, to a large extent, we choose our own destinies. This is yet another beautiful paradox of Life.

We can kick and fight and scream against the flow of events and experiences in our lives—and if that’s what happens, it is our destiny. On the other hand, we can learn to harmonize ourselves—meaning, primarily, our thoughts—with the flow of Life, accepting and learning from events and experiences instead of fighting them.

If this is the path we choose to take, you guessed it! This, too, is our destiny.

The path of acceptance and learning is the path that leads to peace, enjoyment, and what we call “happiness.” It is the path of surrendering our limited ego-desires to the will of what many people call “God.” The will of “God” is the flow of Life. To this flow we must surrender ourselves. When we do, the Universe starts to harmonize Itself with us. Weird.

Remember, though: we’re all part of the Universe!

Paradoxically (of course!), this path of surrender does not mean that we should resign ourselves to whatever comes our way. If a lion is about to devour you, you do not have to become his next meal! Surrender means learning to understand the way the world works, and what our place is with regard to every thing-else that exists, so that we think, feel, and act rightly—without regret.

Surrender is a process, not an event. It means becoming wise and rising above the things that happen to us, one at a time. This wisdom comes as we realize the nature of Nature, Life, and the Universe.  It comes when we see that we truly are here for a reason, that there is purpose to our individual existence, and that our eventual happiness (perhaps not until beyond this present lifetime) is certain.

This understanding brings us happiness NOW.

It also allows us to let go of our attachments to people, experiences, ideas, and so on (in other words, the dead past or the imagined future), so that we can move on and begin to live better, happier lives.

We are animated by Spirit Itself, to which we are continually nudged from within and drawn from without, by way of the very Universe that so often seems so cruel and unfair. With this understanding, we can relax and let our destiny unfold. As a wild pig once said, Hakuna matata!

(written in 2009)

Relief Through Changed Circumstances

At the time of this writing, in January 2009, I had been living in the home my now-ex-wife and I shared.  She had moved out—to live an hour away—two months before.  Just before writing this, I had decided to find my own living space.  —Ven

Recently, I’ve been able to get out of my previous mindset of focusing on things I could not control. I got introspective for a couple of days. I moved a lot of my stuff out of my house (where my wife still has her stuff, and where she is able to drop by whenever she pleases) and into my camper at my place of business on the river. I’ve been staying here most nights, in my own space.

This has been a great relief to me.

That change of physical circumstances was part of the mental process of change that hit full steam last weekend. Changing my living situation was essential because I recognized the importance of my surroundings and their effect on my mental and emotional state. I also saw that being at the house was affecting me negatively, and I wanted to separate myself from it.

Since I’ve been at the camper, I’ve been able to drop my fear of moving on from the situation and I’ve moved into a new and fresher way of being. I’ve mostly occupied myself with resting, re-centering, recharging, and examining my previous experiences to see the common thread in my life, in order to determine the general direction/flow of my interests, desires, and activities. 

It feels like being in a cocoon.

The result of giving up on my analysis of the situation and my clinging to it was a mental freedom that has been very peaceful for me. In the meantime, as part of evaluating my past experience and identifying the general trends of my interests, I’ve picked up a new direction in which to focus my attention. I’m exploring that new way of seeing things, which is really only a synthesis of everything I’ve already figured out about life on my own.

This is all new to me, and at the same time it’s very comfortable and exciting because I feel like I’m aligning with the purpose of my inner being. It was my “next step” a long time ago, and I’ve only been sidetracked from it by life experiences that I didn’t know how to handle at the time.

I’ve been describing how I got “here.” So, what is “here”?

I’m harmonizing with the Divine Will (which is also my own will, from my innermost self) by understanding better what life is all about. I’m letting go of past experience and future expectation and enjoying the ride. I’m learning methods of understanding my own intentions and putting them into practice. In short, I’ve realized that my “happiness” means aligning myself with the flow of the Universe. I’m learning to do that, instead of trying to carve my own flow out of it. There doesn’t have to be a difference!

And I see incredible new possibilities and experiences coming into being because of this change.

(written in 2009)

Happiness?

A wise person asked me recently why I think we are here, as humans—alive, in this physical world. I was surprised that I had to think about my response. I was already so shaken by the conversation up to that point that I had to sift through mental “rubble” to find a response.

“To be happy” was the agreed-upon answer to that question. But life has me examining every particle and detail about my view of myself, relationships, and the world. “Happiness” and “why we’re here” are in a part of my self-concept that I have temporarily dismantled for cleaning and repair.

This is because, in my own experience, I’ve found it impossible to be happy all the time! If something is impossible, how can it be our reason for existence? But I’m willing to question anything. Maybe I have the wrong idea of what “happiness” is.

I’m certainly not “there” yet, wherever that is. (Intuition tells me it’s “here”!)

We all have our own perspectives, and none of us (or very, very few of us) see our inner and outer worlds with true clarity. It seems to me that when we can see with perfect clarity, then—and only then—can we say that we are truly happy.

Happiness is on a scale, though, like a ruler or a thermometer or anything else. All emotion is, as it were, on this scale, with happiness at or near the top.

I’m going to go out on a limb and define “happiness” as enjoyment of the present moment. In other words, in a happy moment we don’t drag our past into the present and we don’t preoccupy ourselves with an imagined future. 

But, as I said, I don’t think it’s possible to be happy, by this definition, all the time. 

Why?

We have all been harmed in life. Harm tends to cause negative emotion—particularly when we didn’t fully express the natural, normal, and healthy negative response to the harm when it happened. (Like when our parents made us stop crying when we were little.)

If we don’t express negative emotion, it remains within our being, where it lurks among the unconscious part of our mind that corresponds to the 95% of our brains that we don’t consciously use. This negative emotion then takes over the conscious 5% when activated—by either an inner or an outer stimulus that the mind/brain recognizes as similar to the conditions that produced the negative emotion the first time we felt it. 

(The late spiritual giant OSHO invented “dynamic meditation” as a way for modern people to express this negative emotion because he recognized that traditional spiritual techniques won’t work if unexpressed negative emotion is in the way.)

We cannot be happy and feel negative emotion at the same time, according to the previous definition. Negative emotion is not “enjoyable,” in my experience. Releasing it sure is, though!

We also cannot entertain wrong thoughts and feel happy at the same time, except temporarily. An example of this temporary “happiness” would be the “happy” feeling some people get when their favorite football team makes a touchdown. These people do not feel “happy” when the other team makes a touchdown, according to my definition. In both cases, though, the person is in the present moment!

Maybe I don’t know what happiness is. Maybe happiness is just being in the present moment, whether it’s enjoyable or not—not trying to escape it to the remembered past or the imagined future, but just being fully present, here, now, no matter what! Maybe this is the “letting go” that frees us from our mental prison, like the one from which I’m writing right now.

“Man, what a great game!” I’ve heard this expression many times after someone has watched a football or baseball game with high drama, where there was much emotion, excitement, and even disappointment in the game. It can be a “great game” even if the favorite team loses.

Maybe I’m learning something here.

Hello Again (A Love Letter)

My dearest,

No one on this Earth loves you like your mother loved you. Even she didn’t love you like Spirit loves you. Why shouldn’t you love yourself the same?

Spirit is the guiding Force, Love, and Intelligence behind the Universe. The Universe can seem to be cruel and unforgiving because of where you are. In the end, though, if you look to Spirit to provide everything you need, It will reach you. It will reach out to you through the Universe, and through your own inner self.

You are draped in love and cradled in forgiveness. You are here! And you live. You make mistakes, you learn, and you conquer the wrongness within yourself. That is right, and it is good.

You are doing what is best for you to do, and that is best for the All. Who wouldn’t love you for such a thing? And yet, even if you didn’t do these things—and you don’t do them perfectly yet anyway—you would still be Loved.

What do you want for your children? To be held down and miserable, because of something they did in the past, still suffering even after they saw their error and went through the agony of correcting themselves—alone?

Would you want your children to live in guilt and unforgiveness because some other person doesn’t see the good inside them?

No!

You would want your children to move forward and step into new light and a new, better way of living. You would want them to have endured suffering, pain, and hardship so that they could earn an even greater and happier existence because of it.

You would want to see your children thrive.

You are the child of your mother. You are the child of the Universe. You are the child of Spirit Itself. You are beloved. You have no need to go on in misery, doubt, and self-blame. No one who loves you wants this for you.

Why can’t you see this? (The ego talking.)

Don’t listen to the ego. Listen to the truth: you are worthy of love and you are worthy to be loved. You carry love within you and it is your right to share it with the world around you. If there is a part of your world that does not accept your love, withdraw it.  Remove yourself from that negative influence and focus your love where it can grow and produce more love.

Where is that? (The ego talking.)

It’s all around you. It’s everywhere. Even people who don’t know you well have given you their support and encouraging words. If they can see your goodness, how much more will someone who truly knows you see your goodness?

Do not limit yourself to satisfy some long-lost directive given by someone with lesser understanding, long ago. You know what is best, and you know what to do. Step out, in faith, and let go. Remember, you have wings! You will fly.

How do I stay positive? (The ego talking.)

Focus on the positive in your life and eliminate the negative. Change whatever you have to in order to live well. Free yourself from the chains that you allow to bind you! You have that power. You know it.

And remember: you are loved, no matter what.

So, my beloved, Hello! Welcome to the Universe again. You are welcome here, and there is much help to guide you along the way. You have no need to fear. You need only take the first step from where you are.

Do not let that which matters most drown in the puddle of that which matters not. There are mountains to be moved. Move them!

Hello, and welcome back.

Love,

Me

(written in 2009)

The Riddle of Male and Female

In my experience, there are two kinds of human males: base males and ascended males. Base males operate mostly on raw male energy. Ascended males operate mostly on male energy, plus the positive influence of female energy.

(This is not black-and-white, but a graded scale, like a ruler or thermometer. Nothing is black-and-white, not even night and day. There is always gray.)

Ascended male energy is more powerful than base male energy! This power is hidden from base males, though, who must experience it to appreciate it.

There are also two kinds of females: powerful females and females whose power is temporarily lost or diminished because of males. Females are born powerful, but they can lose touch with that innate power if they are harmed by males. (But they can heal and regain it.)

Female energy is the salvation of male energy, to an extent. (I would hesitate to say “vice versa,” but maybe.) Males are not completely lost without females—but female energy holds an important key to a male’s self-discovery and spiritual journey, in my experience. It has to do with emotion and feeling.

Imagine a world filled only with men, no women. In my imagination, the men would form groups based on “power” and domination. Each group would be led by an outwardly “powerful” leader and the men in his group would follow his directions—until he was ousted (killed) by another “powerful” man. The different factions and groups would compete against each other for domination and supremacy:

“Us versus them.”  The base-male directive.

Now imagine a world filled only with women, no men. In my imagination, the women would form groups based on community and cooperation. Each group would be an organic operation in which each woman had her own say in the decisions of the whole. Different groups would relate to other groups in a spirit of togetherness:

“Us with them.”  The powerful-female aspiration.

Keep in mind in each imagined scenario that the men would have NO female influence and the women would have NO male influence.

I don’t like to use imagined scenarios to make a point, but in this case I don’t know that there is a better way to do it. Where is an all-male society, “free” of female influence? The closest I can think of are prisons, gangs, sports teams, and military combat units, all of which resemble my imagined scenario. (Oh, yeah—and look at world history!)

Where is an all-female society, free of male influence? In this male-dominated world, I don’t think women have been so lucky! There are all-female prisons, but I’d bet my next year’s pay that most or all of those women were hurt by base males—or they wouldn’t be there.

Men, when left to their “base” maleness, divide and conquer. Their unspoken motto is “Fuck it or kill it.” (And sometimes both, not necessarily in that order.) With the influence of female energy, though, base maleness can be transformed into ascended maleness. This is not always an easy task, even for a powerful female. We attract levels of power similar to our own, so a powerful female would be likely to attract a powerful male, whether his power is base or ascended. (“Do I like the nice guy or the bad boy? They both like me.”)

Any woman whose mate is a base male has her hands full. At the present time, this means most young women in relationships, since our society tends to produce base males. Men tend to “mellow” (ascend!) as they age—largely because they are partnered with women and raise daughters.

Natural female power can be hidden or even broken by harm from a male at any time in her life, especially if she is a child. This kind of harm has a two-fold negative effect: she hides her female power within herself (to protect it) and she fears male energy (because of its power to harm her). As a result, she ends up fearing her own power.

Harm is by its nature temporary, though, and I suspect that ascended male energy (which, remember, is itself sort of a combination of male and female energy) can help a hurt female to heal and recover the power she has lost. So can other women’s female energy.

Thus, in the context of male-female relationship, powerful females can help base males and hurt females to heal, and ascended males can also help hurt females to heal. Afterward, you have a very powerful couple: a powerful female and an ascended male.

This is one expression of what I call Love. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?

(written in 2009)

I Can Relate

I’m so happy and grateful that I can relate. I can relate because I have suffered (and caused harm) and overcome.

Have you been hurt by someone, on purpose? I can relate. Watched a loved one endure pain you can only imagine? I can relate. 

Stood by your mother and watched her breathe her last? Been the victim of senseless violence? Lost the love of your life? Fallen into depression, addiction, or self-mutilation? Been divorced? Lost your role as a parent to your own kids? Watched your current or former mate fall into someone else’s arms and bed? Had to give up on someone you love because only they can help themselves? Realized—too late to fix it—the immense pain you inflicted on someone close to you, who trusted you with his or her heart? Had two close friends die in the same way, on different continents, before age 25? Had a young friend take his or her own life? Been violated or otherwise abused? Watched somebody you love die from injury or illness? Carried your mother’s body to the funeral home vehicle? Been homeless for months? Had your heart and sense of self-worth stomped into the ground when you were little?

I can relate. We all can. We all share human life. Life isn’t always fucking peaches and cream.

Suffering is all the same, but it’s different. It all involves loss, it all makes us change the way we see ourselves and the world, and it’s all temporary. You can never lose that which is most important. As someone wise told me this week, “The pain goes away, but you keep the lessons you learned.”

We are strong. We are made of stuff so powerful that we can’t imagine our own strength until we are tested. Life throws pain and heartbreak in our direction so that we can become better because of it.

It’s like being refined in fire. How do you suppose steel would feel as it becomes stronger, better, and more beautiful and useful in the foundry? A samurai sword is bent, folded, hammered, and heated to intense temperatures to make it a worthy weapon in battle. And it is beautiful.

We are powerful, you and I. True power is beautiful. Take that fact and instill it in your bones. Weakness is temporary. Our strength endures. 

We are Beauty, incarnated. We are Spirit, caught temporarily in the visceral, gritty web of this physical existence for awhile. We are here to endure, and overcome, and be better than we were yesterday, last month, or last year. We are not here to succumb to the storms of life. We are here to learn to navigate our vessel through every kind of weather, squall, gale, and hurricane—and to return our vessel to shore, whole and complete and functional.

We have the skills, the talent, the ability, and the will to overcome whatever Life throws at us. As another person said, “You will not be tested beyond what you can endure. But when you are tested, you will also be given the power to kick life in its ass.” (I Corinthians 10:13, paraphrased)

(Your King James Version and New International Version New Testaments use the word “tempted” instead of “tested” in this verse. The Greek word peirasomos can mean either “temptation” or “adversity.”)

Time does not heal. The unimaginable power of the human Spirit heals. It just takes time to do it because…well, because we’re human.

And we can do it over and over again, getting better and stronger every time. 

(written in 2009)

Ripples

What is it about my life that I think is so interesting to others? Am I just crying out into the darkness in search of a reply, listening to my voice echo? Am I trying to find something that I lack, or am I trying to share something I’ve found?

We have to ask ourselves hard, honest questions if we want to live in harmony with our inner selves and the world around us and stop living in error.

It bothers me a bit that I use the word “I” so much in these messages. It’s not really about me, but about all of us, together. “I” is only the particular lens through which the Consciousness of Life is focused right now, in this particular time, place, and body.

“I” is the only perspective I can observe and write from! So I won’t try to remove it from my writings. That would be not only artificial, but also superficial and even dishonest. Even worse, it would be insincere.

“I” is the only perspective from which you and I and everybody else operate. So, I describe what’s going on in my own little piece of flesh, knowing that it relates somehow to what’s going on in your little piece of flesh, and hoping that someone will find something somewhere in my words that will make a light go on or help them make some connection they’re missing.

I even hope people will find mistakes in my messages so I can correct my own views if they’re wrong!

That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? To experience life, share what we’ve seen, compare notes, and help each other to be better? To adjust our inner world so that we see the outer world more clearly and then can create better conditions “out there” with what we’ve learned? 

(Yes.)

All that has happened has happened with a full view of past, present, and future. Life doesn’t happen blindly, from the view of the Universe—just from our own limited view in the flesh.

All that we think, feel, and do creates ripples, whether we know it or not, whether we want to or not. These ripples go outward in every direction, like waves from a radio tower. The more we are aware of the ripples we’re making, the better ripples we can create (to the degree that we’re free from wrong thoughts and unexpressed negative emotion).

My writings are my own way of becoming more aware of my ripples, refining them before they go out, and sending them in the best way I know how. They’re also a way for me to get ripples back from you—somehow, someway, sometime. Maybe not directly, maybe not even from you. If children in the future benefit from my ripples today, that’s more than worth my effort NOW.

In the fabric of Life, ripples go on forever. Look at history and you can see this. Today is the result of all the ripples that have ever been broadcast by everyone (plant, animal, protist, fungus, virus, and human) who has ever lived, and those who are alive today.

The dead create no more ripples, so we the living have the real power to change the ripples around ourselves, even in the unimaginably complex background noise of the ongoing ripples of the past. (Visibly, we see this noise as our culture.)

I’m doing my best to make the ripples harmonize as much as I can from where I am. That will help others to do the same. Ripples make ripples, make ripples, make ripples. And ripples affect living beings (redundant phrase).

Ripples are the voice and intention of Spirit in this world of matter. We, as spiritual beings (redundant phrase), can either make them or be made by them—in which case we only send out more of what’s already there.

But we can do better than that!

(written in 2009)